Wednesday, August 05, 2009

A year

Just a warning for my scrapbooking friends. This is going to be a very personal blog entry so you may want to skip it.

Today marks a year since my mothers passing. In so many ways it feels like it hasn't been a long time in other ways it feels like it has been forever. It feels like forever since I have seen her face, or heard her laugh or even heard her get mad. While there are lot of emotions that I feel today. I mostly feel mad. Mad that we don't have her here with us. Mad that the other day I saw a July birthstone Barbie that I would have bought her for her birthday. (We collected Barbie's together for most of my life) Mad that my child has been cheated and will never again get to play with my mom. Mad that Jay only got such a short time to be her husband. Mad that Danielle has to go through this pregnancy without her and that she wasn't here for when Rachelle had Faith.

I try to live my life in a way that would make her happy, would make her proud. But its a hard life to live without her in it. She is still the first person I think to call when something happens. Whether its a bad day at work or my child getting stunk by a bee.

About a week or more before she passed my mom sang me part of a song.
"They say that all good things must end someday
Autumn leaves must fall
But don't you know that it hurts me so
To say goodbye to you
Wish I didn't have to go
No, no, no, no"

I feel the same way too mom.


Jamie said...

Im so sorry Mary. I love you. (((hugs)))

Pia said...

Oh, Mary... I'm so sorry!
Lots of love!